


Through The Screen

by Cheek_Smasher, RedBloodRebel



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half-Life VR but the AI is Self-Aware - Fandom
Genre: Alcohol Abuse, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Developing Relationship, Eating Disorder, Existential Crisis, Flashbacks, Fluff, M/M, Minor Violence, Nightmares, PTSD, Self Harm, Smut, The Science Team, Trauma, anxiety attack, frenrey, weight loss
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:54:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27551869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cheek_Smasher/pseuds/Cheek_Smasher, https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedBloodRebel/pseuds/RedBloodRebel
Summary: Gordon's world is turned upside down as the entity that was harassing him through his session of a video game comes into his world to take it to the next level. Gordon is shocked to discover the disturbing past of his harasser, and the scary feeling that consume this man, he discovers he didn't really know. Gordon becomes obsessed with answers, infuriated when the man he falls in love with tries to be selfless and lock himself away for good.
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 35
Kudos: 82





	1. Arrival

"This is where I get off! Goodbye Gordon- Gordon- gordon..." Coomer's voice trailed off as the game he was playing for nearly eight hours straight finally, finally, ended. "Jesus Christ." He sighed to himself as the congratulations screen that signified he had beat the game filled his vision. He had just played a single video game start to finish for six hours straight and gotten attached to all of the characters, he hated to say goodbye but it was a satisfying ending. He had started to take off his wrist straps on his controllers when his screen started to flash, and he had to close his eyes so as to not throw up from how nauseous the flashing made him feel. When it stopped Gordon got a good view of his hands through the vr headset. His heartbeat rose suddenly, confused as to how this was happening, he didn't have a camera in his headset from what he could tell. He slowly took a look around his room, curiosity getting the best of him but the disturbing feeling of being watched weighing on him. 

Gordon's PC fan began growing louder in sound as it overheated, like it was running fifty high quality games at once. As his PC lost control of itself, his monitor began glitching and erupted in screeching sounds of errors. The sounds of chaos sung in unison and sparks began flying out of the PC. 

The screen of the monitor started warping like some interior pressure was being applied. A visible hand print was plastered on the computer screen as it bent farther out until the hand popped through with a bright flash of blue light. Whatever was coming out of the monitor struggled as it gripped the edge of the desk, pulling more and more of itself out. Gordon had to shield his eyes to avoid burning his retinas as the figure emerged. When the figure got through at about the waist another bright blindly blue light flashed. Gordon jumped back instinctively, opening his eyes to watch in horror as this all went down, shielding his face again when the light got too bright for him, turning away. 

All the lights in the room turned off and a loud crash followed. In the dark, there was a deep groan from a new, but familiar voice. Then the lights flickered back on to reveal a man in a security uniform on the floor. The man sat up and looked at Gordon. 

"Sup' Feetman." Benrey said in his typical cocky tone, while flashing a sharp toothy grin. Gordon turned back quickly and stared for a moment before speaking, his body filled with shock. 

"What the fuck?!! No! I'm fucking done with the game!" He tried pressing some buttons on his controllers to no avail, none of them did jack shit. He was panicking momentarily before he remembered, this was all in his vr headset and on his computer. He probably just accidentally opened a different game, right? Sure! That sounds plausible. He tossed his controllers to where he knew his couch was, hearing a loud crack of plastic was not what he expected. "Shit." He muttered, quickly reaching up to yank his headset off. He opened his eyes quickly to his horror. His gut wrenched as he saw the man was still on his floor, and his computer was still fucking wrecked. "No!! No! This isn't possible! Am I fucking hallucinating?!" He rubbed his eyes and pinched himself and nothing worked. He chuckled nervously to himself. "Y-You’re not real." He said to the man, sweat collecting on his brow, more than was already there from wearing that headset for so long.

Benrey was amused by Gordon's disbelief of his existence, how he tossed his controllers down only for them to miss the couch. ‘Still clumsy..’ He thought. He laughed at how Gordon's face froze when he saw him on his floor, like he thought Benrey would just disappear. Unfortunately for Gordon, he wasn't gonna disappear just from removing a headset. Benrey looked around in an exaggerated manner. "Uhh. Nope, you're not hallucinating. I'm real." He said with a satisfied smile. He stood up, brushing the bits of plastic and glass off him when he was up on his feet.

“Sorry 'bout your uhh.. Computer.." He said half-heartedly while looking at Gordon's monitor. "Never really climbed out of uhh. Computer before." He looked back at Gordon but quickly became distracted by the room he was in. "Yoo.. Niice place. This yours?" He says as he walks around the room, picking up things and examining them. "Cool stuff too.." 

Gordon stared unblinking for a good while while Benrey was talking. "Wha... what.." his mouth fumbled to form words for a moment, his breathing heavy and shaky. "W-What the fuck! How do you exist?! A-ah.. A moment ago you a were a few pixels on my fucking monitor.. this isn't even scientifically possible and I'm not even a scientist and I can figure that out!" He yelled, voice hoarse, motioning toward his screen. His throat was dry from the terror he felt, licking his lips occasionally as he hyperventilated through his teeth. "Why the fuck are you here!" He said, sudden anger bubbling in his chest, almost painful. He lowered the arm he had raised and brushed both his hands anxiously through his hair, which was hard to do with his hair in a ponytail.

"I just wanted to- wait..." Benrey stopped looking at a photo of Gordon and some other person and brought attention back onto the man himself, ignoring Gordon's original question. "You're not a REAL scientist? Smh you're a liar!" He shook his head as he spoke. "Can't believe I thought you were one. Makes sense you aren't one though. You’re, you’re too dumb, very clumsy too." He said. He could tell Gordon was angry. Just like the good old Gordon he remembers. "You lowkey look weird without your uhh- HEV suit.. Like your naked or somethin'." He turned his attention back to the picture, picking it up and examining it like he did with the rest of Gordon's things.

"Put that fucking picture down, please!" Gordon said, angry and worried. "That's my favorite picture of my boy, please." He frowned, holding his hands out in front of him, his palms toward Benrey, pleading and sounding pathetic. He was a bit self conscious, the comment about him being naked made him flush with embarrassment. He hated that Benrey thought he was lying like it wasn't a game and it was like real fucking life for the man. Benrey should've known he had no control over what his model looked like, he's the stupid one here! Gordon grit his teeth. Benrey turned to Gordon, still wielding the picture. 

"Oh, so you have a son but you're not a real scientist? Well which one is it Gordo, you a liar or a truther? Hmm?" Benrey said, gesturing at Gordon with the photo.  
"I'm a tru- I'm not a liar! It was a coincidence that there was a picture frame in that locker, and I was playing a game! The scientist was just the act for the character I was playing in the game! They just let me put my real name in!" He was angry again, huffing through his nose loudly. After a moment Benrey sighs and tosses the picture back onto the table it was originally on. 

"Whatever.. Doesn't even matter.." Benrey opened the door and left the room they were into to continue exploring Gordon's home. He took a deep breath through his nose and realized how nice Gordon's home smelled. ‘Just like him..’ He thought. Benrey quickly shook his head. "No homo.." He said quietly to himself as he kept looking around.

"Fuck you man! You're a fucking virus or something, you ruined that game for me, you know that! And now you might’ve just ruined my life! Just go back, I’m not fucking dealing with this! Go find someone else to bother" he spat angrily, clenching his fists while following Benrey. He was still dense to the fact that Benrey was legitimately pining after him with free will but he couldn’t imagine a computer virus pining for a real person hard enough to defy the laws of fucking everything to bust through his computer and harass him IN REAL LIFE. Benrey ignored Gordon's rant about how he's a truther. He didn't want to bother arguing with Gordon since it usually ended with him getting shot in the face or left behind. 

"Probably one of his liar tricks... Can't fool me." He thought out loud as he continued through Gordon's home, Gordon himself following too far behind him. Benrey eventually gets to a room with the door slightly open, which was a little strange since all the other rooms had their doors shut. He enters the room to find it dark with the only thing illuminating the room being the orange and reds of the sunset peaking through the window. He looked around the room and studied it. Toys were sprawled across the room, the bed was messily made and a closet that held small shirts and jackets. It was obviously a kids room. Joshua's room. "Guess he might not be so much of a liar…” Benrey thought as he examined all the papers filled with Joshua's drawings that were taped to the wall. When Gordon saw Benrey go into his son's room, he stamped after him, grabbing him by the collar and yanking him roughly out of the room, slamming him against the wall of the hallway opposite Joshua’s room. Benrey grunted as Gordon shoved him against the wall, being slightly confused why that hurt him. 

"WHAT THE FUCK DUDE??" He shouted at Gordon, quickly forgetting the pain that his body had felt. 

"DON’T. Fucking go in my sons room. I don't want him to even know you exist." He growled, face to face with him, seething with anger as he tried to stare intimidatingly into the smaller man's eyes. His yellow scleras were off-putting next to the dark grey/blue of his skin but he tried not to pay any mind. 

"I wasn't even doing anything, I was just looking!" Benrey gripped Gordon's arms that held him against the wall. "Your son's probably some lame, baby noob anyway!" He said while staring at Gordon. His eyes were pricing his skull like daggers, it was the first time he could truly see Gordon's emotions. It was slightly arousing to see him like this- ‘WHAT- no-no Homo!!’ Benrey thought as he looked away from gordon. "T-this house is so f-fuckin' lame anyway. Makes sense YOU live here." Benrey said, glaring at Gordon. He then shoved Gordon off him and stomped off and headed back to the room he originated from. 

Benrey stood in front of the monitor and stared at it's shattered screen. He thought for a second. ‘I can't go back…’ His head kept repeating. He's stuck here with pissed off Gordon. "What an epic fail this was.." Gordon followed him, mad about his comments, but also glad that Benrey was leaving. 

"What? Something the matter, go home." Gordon snarled, crossing his arms over his chest then motioning with one arm toward the computer. "Can't figure out how to go back and now you're stuck here, right?" He sighed, touching his hair to ground himself. He hadn't even fully registered the situation, he was pretty sure he blacked out for a moment with anger as well.

"This is fuckin' stupid." Benrey grumbled, shoving the already destroyed monitor. He sighed and sat on the floor. What the hell was he gonna do. Stay here with Gordon and his son? It's tempting, the only downside to that option was that Gordon hated him with a passion. For very good reasons too. Berney was a dick and tried to kill Gordon. Plus he did ruin Gordon's game. He knew he wasn't supposed to be there but he was. And now he's in the real world, feeling pain. Something so new to him. 

While Benrey was lost in his thoughts, he instinctively began humming quietly. His hums then turned into open mouth singing with colorful orbs going from blue to pink like a dress, pouring out of his mouth, floating around him. The black Mesa sweet voice. Gordon watched the balls float up and illuminate the room, he didn't know what these colors meant but they weren't good. He also determined that Benrey could still sweet voice. He frowned as he felt a twinge of guilt crawl up his spine. He shouldn't be feeling this over the guy that broke his computer and literal physics to harass him in real fucking life. It took him a couple of moments to come to a decision. One that he hoped he wouldn’t regret. 

Gordon sighed and rubbed his hand over his face. "Okay! Fine stop! It was just a game I get that, but you did still break my computer. If you're gonna stay here till you can go back, you've gotta live under my rules, okay?" He said sternly. The sweet voice stopped and the orbs popped like bubbles. Benrey looked up at Gordon and stared at him for a few seconds before speaking. 

"Rules...? That's lame." He looked back down at the ground. Thinking over and over and over. No options left, guess he's stuck with Gordon for reals this time. He kept his gaze on the floor, not wanting to look up. "What are these rules.. They better not be like, somethin' stupid or boring. Cause that's what you are. Not me, I'm cool."

"Shut up. You're gonna live by my rules or I'm not feeding you and you'll have to scavenge outside and get hunted or something." He frowned, kneeling down to Benreys level. "1: You're not allowed in my son's room at all. 2: you will not sleep in my bed or have my TV on past 10pm. 3: you're not allowed in my fridge without my permission ever. These could change while I think of more, but if you break even one, I'm gonna kill you dead. Understand?" He asked, with a venom in his tone, looking into Benreys face again

"Those rules are so fucking-" he stops himself when he sees Gordon's face. He was serious. Very very serious. He wasn’t sure if Gordon was serious about killing him. It's not like he hasn't done it before, though. So, it was either follow Gordon's dumb rules or literally die. It's a tough choice, but Benrey eventually convinces himself to agree with Gordon's rules. "So lame... Fine. I'll follow your rules." Benrey looked away to hide the blush creeping onto his cheeks. After a moment he turns back to Gordon. "Why you gotta be so specific with the tv, how can i do late night gaming if it's off at 10pm?" Benrey complained. 

"Don't push it, Benrey. No gaming, I have to work early in the morning." He grumbled, getting up and stretching. "Come on. Are you hungry? I didn't plan on making dinner for 2 but you can eat with me I guess." He changed the subject, leaving the room and walking toward the kitchen. It was so weird seeing Benrey so animated, like he actually had weight to him, and his arms could actually bend and move how he wanted them to. He imagined how weird it must be to see him, nowhere near the physique his in-game model Gordon did. He was much chubbier and stockier than his model and much wider, which must be strange for Benrey too. 

Benrey's stomach growled at the thought of food. He was so busy pissing off Gordon, he didn't even think about his own basic needs. So, he got up and followed Gordon to the kitchen. As he watched Gordon walk, he noticed how different he looked compared to his game model. Even if he looked different than what Benrey was used to, he still looked normal. Benrey looked down at himself, he looked actually how he looked in game, not normal. Wrong. Even out of the game he was wrong. He sighed through his nose and directed his focus back to Gordon and the kitchen.


	2. Home Sweet Home?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benrey learns how to co-exist with his new "roommate"? Gordon and Benrey learn to get along and even share a meal together. Gordons' starting to feel bad for his new guest, and even starts to take pity for him, but he wouldn't let himself fall in love.. right?

"If your not a scientist, what do you do for work? What's your job?" He asked, watching Gordon make whatever he was planning to make. Gordon motioned to a chair at the dining room for Benrey to sit in. 

"Oh I'm a teacher, actually. But we're doing online school because of the global pandemic right now." He said casually. "I've only got about 3 classes a week so it's not much but it pays alright and I love my students." He said then glanced back to Benrey. "Oh hey, could you take your shoes off, you can put them by the door." He started cooking, he was going to make lasagna so he got the stuff out that he needed. ‘A teacher? Kinda lame… He looks like he would be a teacher tho.’ Benrey thought.

"Oh uhhh- yeah sure..." Benrey walked over to the door and kicked off his shoes then sat down at the table. He thought back to what Gordon said about online classes. Pandemic? "Global pandemic huh? What are talkin', zombies? Or... Mega Rabies??" Benrey asked excitedly. Who knew Gordon's world was so cool.

"No, more like a viral infection that could kill anyone because nobody has got the antibodies to fight it off." He chuckled, considering what he said to be dark humor, since that was how he coped, most of the time.

“Hmmm I guess that's cool.." Benrey sighed. He sat at the table awkwardly. Normally, Tommy or Dr. Coomer would have said something completely obscured and Gordon would be losing his mind over it, but it was just him and Gordon. Alone. Somehow this felt worse than when he was actually alone. He hated the silence of it all, it was suffocating. He felt that same feeling here, it made his stomach hurt and his ears ring. "I miss Tommy.." Benrey blurted out. It was the only thing that wasn't about Gordon or... The Empty Space.

"Huh? You miss him? Your ai is that complex?" He asked, kinda sounding like an asshole, but he was also just genuinely curious. "You'll get to see him when you're back in." He mused, finishing up actually putting together the lasagna in the Pyrex dish and putting it in the oven. Gordon's words echoed through Benrey's head. 'You'll get to see him when you're back in’. Then, Benrey thought about the logistics of him actually going back. How would he even get back into the game? What would he do when he's back in the game? Did he ever really want to go back? Many more questions that seemed to end with no answer kept circling around him until Gordon's voice cut through them. "Did you wanna watch some TV, take your mind off it?" Gordon asked. Strangely, he kinda took pity on Benrey, he obviously didn't think his actions through. He sat down on the couch after setting a timer and patted the seat next to him as an invitation to Benrey. His demeanor had changed to kind, the adrenaline of the original shock wearing off slightly. "Look Benrey, I.. I'm sorry about this, okay?" He said, earnestly. 

Benrey looked over at Gordon, who was sitting on the couch. ‘I'm sorry about this-’ "Oh- uhh- umm yeah. S'okay..." Benrey interrupted, getting up from his seat at the dining table and moved over to the couch. He sat down next to Gordon and slouched over, resting his elbows on his knees, going back to his thoughts.

Gordon began to notice how Benrey kept zoning out with an unrecognizable sadness. "Benrey?" Gordon asked with a slight bit of concern in his tone. "Do you wanna watch a funny movie to take your mind off it for a while? I can tell you're stressed." He asked, offering a smile. When that didn't work, he let out a sigh and closed his eyes. "Hey listen, I'm sorry for yelling at you, I'm sure you were doing all that because it was just a game, I don't care about you ruining it, I just... I wanna know why you came here." He said and turned toward Benrey, the remote resting on the inside of his knee which was up on the couch, his heel tucked in toward his thigh. He wasn't looking directly at Benrey, not wanting to make him too nervous. 

"Huh? Oh uhh.." Again Benrey was pulled out of his thoughts again. It was so much easier for Benrey to get distracted now that he had things to actually worry about. He didn't face him but he glanced over at him a couple of times before answering. "I uhh... I was.." He didn't know how to say it. Something in him kept him from saying it. Something that hadn't seemed to be there before, the suffocating feeling slowly creeping back up as he tried to answer Gordon's question. Benrey quickly sat up, taking in a sharp breath. "Man.. I'm fuckin hungry. Is this what hunger feels like- it sucks man- so lame, not epic bro." He sputtered and quickly moved from the couch, completely avoiding Gordon's question. Gordon sighed, knowing full well what Benrey was doing. 

"We’ll talk after we eat, okay?" He smiled lightly at Benrey before sniffing and swallowing, moving toward the timer as it went off to silence it. He turned the oven off quickly before grabbing an oven mitt and taking the dish out of the oven. He placed it on a towel on the counter. Benrey ignored Gordon's mention about answering the question at a later time. Instead he followed Gordon into the kitchen and stared at the food as it was pulled out of the oven. It looked so tasty and smelled so good he was practically drooling. "Niiiice…"

Gordon turned to Benrey before cutting into the food. "Are you uncomfortable in those clothes? Did you want me to get you something else to wear before you eat? You can change while I get your plate ready?" He asked gently, strangely wanting to get Benrey in a better mood. He didn't like sad and distracted Benrey, it felt like a stranger was in his home.. well stranger than Benrey already was. "Oh umm, yeah sure." Benrey hadn't realised how uncomfortable his clothes were until now. Maybe that's why he feels so suffocated at times, yes... Yes that must be the problem. "As long as it looks cool, I'm not gonna wear something dumb like what you wear." He said, crossing his arms. 

Gordon chuckled and nodded, leaving the lasagna on the counter. "Here, follow me." He smiled genuinely and motioned for Benrey to follow him. He brought him to his bedroom. "And yes, it is what I wear, it's just too small on me, so here." He handed him an old shirt with the Pepsi logo on it, and some baseball shorts. "These should be comfortable. And you can take off your helmet if you'd like." He offered a reassuring smile. Benrey took the shirt and shorts from Gordon. When Gordon left to set up dinner Benrey got dressed. It took a while to get the vest, but after it was off, everything else was easy. Benrey stared at his helmet as he held it in front of him, then looked at himself in the mirror. His mullet was a mess. He tried making it look somewhat nicer, but eventually he decided he didn't care anymore. 

Benrey thought about leaving his helmet off since it kinda hurt his ears. He felt strange not wearing it, like he was naked. He felt so vulnerable. Benrey decided to keep his helmet on, he just couldn't stand the feeling he had without it. He walked to the room where Gordon was and stared at his plate of food. "That smells so good.." He said, moving closer to his plate of hot food. "What uhh... is it?" Gordon set his own plate down at the table before moving to grab them silverware and drinks. 

"It’s Lasagna, like noodles and meat and cheese, it's easy to make and the leftovers are good for a while." Gordon said. "Have you never actually eaten anything?" He asked. "I mean.. of course not but you do know some food names?" He asked, trying to make sense, it made sense in his head but it came out a bit weird. "I know some foods like pizza and chips." Benrey said while sitting down. "But i uhh. kinda have only ever had soda.. " Gordon nodded, "I hope it's alright, I kinda threw it together last second." He smiled and sat across from Benrey at the table. He was hoping to make the atmosphere a bit more inviting, maybe Benrey wasn't all bad in real life as opposed to online. People do tend to have a persona online..

Benrey pulled his plate close to himself and began eating the lasagna. "Yoo, this food is fuckin' fire!!" He said in between bites. Though his mouth may have been burning every bite, that couldn't stop him from eating it as fast as possible. When he finished, he pushed his plate away and slid down in his seat with a satisfied smile on his face. "I like eating." He hums happily. Gordon was halfway done, laughing at Benrey eating so fucking fast. 

"Don't eat so fast after never eating anything in the real world, it'll make you vomit." He chuckled, continuing to eat. "Drink your cider, bud." He smiled. "And don't puke please." He gave a concerned smile, sipping his drink. Benrey slowly drank his cider. He was pretty full so he didn't have much room for a drink.

"I'm not gonna puke, I'm not dumb. You're the one who's gonna puke!" Benrey laughed. He sat back up fully in his chair and yawned. Damn, was he tired already? He guessed coming through Gordon's monitor took up most of his energy. He continued sipping his drink, trying to hide another yawn. "You eat slow." Benrey said.

"Because I wanna enjoy my burning hot food." He chuckled. He was glad Benrey was feeling better. "Uh.. y'know what. I know I said you couldn't but do you wanna sleep in my bed tonight? I would feel better if you were closer to me, I think. So I can keep an eye on you." He said, biting his cheek and looking away. He felt awkward, and somewhat embarrassed but he wanted them to be in the same room for a few nights until Benrey knew where everything was, for Benrey’s sake of course. "I uhh... Err i guess we could sleep in the same bed... Only because y-you uh, want me to." Benrey said, not meeting Gordon's eyes. Why was this so weird for him? They've slept next to each other back in Black Mesa, why is this any different? 

Gordon finished the rest of his food and stretched his arms up above his head, yawning loudly. "I've got a spare toothbrush you can use, if you want?" He asked, collecting their plates and silverware to put them in the sink. Benrey yawned again and stood up. "You got a lot of stuff you don't use man.. You like a hoarder or somethin'?" Benrey tried rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, but it didn't really do much. He was still very tired.

Gordon smiled. "Well no, you're just supposed to change your toothbrush every 6 months and I have a few spares so I don't have to go to the store every time." He smiled and put their cups away before leading him down the hallway to the bathroom, which was across from Joshua's room. "Here." He squatted down under the sink and dug out his toothbrush bin, there was only like five extras but he got a blue one for Benrey. "You like blue don't you?" He smiled and looked up to him, holding out the toothbrush for him. He paused, staring up his face. It was so much different looking at him from this angle. His face looked so much softer, more of his forehead could be seen and his eyebrows were available for Gordon to read Benreys expression better. It was shocking to see him like this, it seemed like there was an actual real human behind his eyes and not just a character that he had met in a video game and been harassed by for so long before having to fight him in a boss battle. It stopped him in his tracks for a second. He started to wonder, just for a moment, if Benrey had been like this in the game as well. Full of emotion and confliction and Gordon just couldn't see it because his model couldn’t convey it. He was going to feel really bad if that was the truth and he had been blind or ignorant to it the entire time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for waiting!! Please feel free to share this story with others, however be aware that the tags will be adjusted with new chapters released. Please only share this fic with people that ask, and thank you for reading!!


	3. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry for the wait! It'll just be me updating this fic from here on out so please bear with me! I will try and update a bit more often as well, thank you for being so patient! <3- RedBloodRebel

Benrey examined the toothbrush. "Cool shade of blue..." He said with a small smile. Benrey could feel Gordon's eyes on him. He looked up at Gordon before speaking. "What? You gonna uhh- kiss me or somethin'?" He laughed, tilting his head. Then he turned his attention to the sink, his cheeks turned a bright blue. Gordon chuckled awkwardly, snapping himself out of it and just ignored the question, blushing from what he had said. He just turned his attention to his reflection in the mirror and brushed his teeth quickly and rinsed his mouth. Benrey wet his toothbrush, putting the minty toothpaste on the brush and started brushing his teeth. When Benrey finished, he put the toothbrush down and walked to Gordon’s bedroom door, waiting for him. Benrey didn't want to go into the bedroom in case Gordon was lying and didn't actually want him in his room.

Gordon put the brushes away, his face returning to its normal color and motioned for Benrey to follow him into the bedroom. "Okay c’mon." Gordon said. "Oh actually wait a sec, I'm gonna change. Wait out here for a minute." He said, slipping into his room. He quickly changed into a tank top and some sweatpants. It was still a decent temperature at night and he had to have a fan on to sleep so he didn’t mind being a little chilly. Benrey waited patiently outside for Gordon to finish changing. He kept thinking back to how Gordon looked at him. Why was he looking at him for so long? Did he do something? Was he supposed to do something? Benrey normally would have not given it a second thought if it were anyone else but it was different when it was with Gordon. Why was everything so different with Gordon?

Benrey was startled by the sound of the door opening. Gordon had finished changing and Benrey quickly entered his room. He looked around and examined everything. Though, he did not touch anything since he feared Gordon would get upset. Wait, when did Benrey ever care when Gordon got upset with him?

Gordon, moved his dirty clothes and Benrey’s clothes off the bed, tossing his clothes into the bin and folding Benrey’s and putting them in a chair. "Are you tired?” He spoke softly, looking up to Benrey from his seat on his king sized bed, “Did you want to go straight to bed or do you wanna play a quick game with me? Will that help you wind down?" He asked, smiling and leaning forward to turn his small TV monitor on, pressing the on button on his ps4. Normally Benrey would eagerly agree to playing games, especially competitive games. He loved showing off his skills, even if he didn't have any, and took every win the extreme pride to which he would use to antagonize and taunt later. But right now Benrey felt way too tired to do much of anything. His brain was fuzzy like TV static.

"Can i uhh.. Just uh watch you play? I- uhhh,, wanna know your tactics before I play against you.." Benrey said quietly, almost like he was hoping that Gordon wouldn't hear his request. Gordon was surprised he didn't want to play a game with him, but shrugged it off.

"Sure, I can show you the hundreds of wasteful hours I've put into this game, haha!" He laughed and grabbed his controller, sitting on the edge of the bed, crossed legged. He grinned as he got the game set up. "Y'know. It felt like way more than eight hours that I was playing that game, it felt like days, honestly." He commented casually, glancing to the side to signify that he was talking to Benrey. "What does it feel like to be in a game? Like to live in one? Is it upsetting?" He asked carefully, not wanting to upset him.

Benrey laid down next to Gordon, his head hanging over the edge. He could already feel sleep weigh heavy on his body and eyelids. But he didn't want to fall asleep just yet.

He thought about Gordon's question. "It's uhh... It's kinduhhh liiiike... Being underwater? Err well certain parts of the game. Places where I could go and you couldn't. When I was with you and Tommy and Coomer and everyone it was... More like being constantly aware of everything all at once? Like where every tiny rock is along with where every chair, book, and yeah... it's like that for the whole game until I leave to go to the empty space.... Then I'm back underwater." He explained, yawning in between phrases. "I doubt it's the same for the rest of the science team, I uhhh, never really seen them acknowledge that empty space except when their code glitched. Well except tommy... he seemed to have some idea about the empty space but it scared him so he always stayed by you."

Gordon thought for a moment. "I can understand that to an extent, I think... I have ADHD, and sometimes when I get overwhelmed I dissociate. My body stays put but my mind forces my consciousness somewhere else, like somewhere where it’s calm enough where I can function there, but my body is just kinda useless like that." He thought deeply for a moment then took a small breath, holding it for a second before letting it out while speaking. "I think that's why I got so upset at you coming through my monitor.. there was just so much happening and it.. it honestly scared me.. I felt like I was in the game for real, not even just like how VR makes it feel. I'm sorry for the pain I caused you.. emotional too." He said then sighed. He flushed a bit, looking away and hoping Benrey couldn't see him in the dark with the blue light flashing over his face from the game. He was embarrassed to be so vulnerable in front of this man he didn't really know but Benrey was just vulnerable with him, he figured he owed him this at least.

"If..." Benrey thought for a good long minute before continuing, Gordon pausing his game to give Benrey his attention. "If I'm like... Being totally honest bro.. Now that I've been here in The Real World ... Being in that game was lowkey hell... No where was... Safe? Liiike. I always felt like i wasn't supposed to be there haha..." Benrey looked at Gordon, his face illuminated by the light coming from the TV. He then laid his head down onto the bed. "I guess… I'm sorry for what I did... Not just the monitor thing,, but... Like everything else. It wasn't very poggers of me..." He said, his words slightly muffled by his arms. Gordon had to pause to think before responding

Gordon got a bit lost in his thoughts until he remembered Benrey had apologized. He looked at him quickly, "Oh.. Um.. no it's okay. It was actually a genuinely enjoyable experience, and it was just a game, I could play again if I really wanted. But um.. now that you're real I think I care more about you than the game." He said. "Not like.. that, I mean, as an acquaintance..." he blushed hard in the dark, feeling awkward. Maybe Benrey didn’t even think of it that way to begin with and he probably just put that into his head. Benrey's face turned a light blue by Gordon's last comment. "Y-yeah.. Uhh no homo..-" he stutters.

Gordon nodded at the no homo comment then sighed before speaking again. "Anyways.. it’s safe here, if you want to stay for a bit.. but won't the others miss you?" He asked. He turned off his game and his TV and moved back onto the bed, silently determining he had gotten enough screen time for today. "Do you think.. and this is weird already, but do you think we could bring them into real life too? Maybe you guys could live out your lives here?" He asked. He was rather fond of the science team, maybe they would enjoy being real and feeling feelings and eating and stuff like benrey did. Benrey shrugged. "I'm... I don't know if they can? Maybe... I mean i did..." Benrey thought about it. What if they could join Benrey? What if they felt the same feeling he felt while in the game? Benrey begins to feel worse when he thinks about Tommy and how he left him in the game. What if Tommy wanted to go too? Benrey stops and takes a couple slow breaths. "If we're gonna uhh bring them here, we're definitely gonna need a lot more monitors." Benrey chuckled.

"Yeah.. um, it should work, did you want to leave so soon? Or did you want to stay for a bit then head back and see if you can get the others to come with you? Send them through and then you? Since you know how to do it?" He asked, trying to determine if that would work. "Will it even break my monitor every time or can we make it so it doesn't..? I could hook up the game to my TV screen and then we could bring two people through at once...?" He mumbled thoughts to himself, just brainstorming. He twirled his beard hair between his fingers absently, squinting his eyes at his other hand as he thought. Benrey also thought about how they would be able to get everyone through. He didn't want to go back to the game but he wanted to help his friends. If he was able to get through the game once, he could do it again, right?

"I'll uhh... go back if it means I can have the rest of the team here. They deserve to be here, not me." The last part was much quieter.

Benrey moved to a comfortable position on the bed and shut his eyes again. It didn't take long for him to fall asleep, it almost happened instantly. Gordon frowned and turned to contest him, but saw that he was asleep and sighed.

"Damn it." He didn't know why he wanted to contest him, he didn't want Benrey here originally. He just, he felt bad for Benrey, a rogue ai caught in a video game, capable of almost human emotions. He didn't want to send Benrey back but he wanted all of them there, not just Benrey. He sighed and moved to make sure everything was in order in his room, then gently slid Benrey up onto the pillow and covered him with the blanket, he didn't know if he was cold but he figured Benrey would kick it off if he wasn't. He then slid off Benrey’s helmet carefully, setting it onto the floor next to the bed. Once Gordon thought Benrey looked comfortable he slid under the blanket on the other side of the bed, facing away from Benrey. He didn't have much time to overthink about this, sleep was tugging at his eyelids persistently. He soon passed out, with barely any effort necessary.

_"AHHHHHH!!! STOP THAT!!" Benrey screamed as bullets kept flying at his face. He screamed orbs at Gordon only for him to quickly doge them. More bullets seemed to be coming at him from every direction. It hurt, for once in his existence everything hurt. As he looked around for Gordon, but then he saw one of his skeletons cocooning Tommy. He tried waving the skeleton away from Tommy but another one appeared. Tommy screamed for help while Benrey desperately tried getting the skeletons to stop. "I SAID STOP!" Benrey slammed his fist onto the ground, only for the world around him to shatter like glass. He looked around and saw no one. No Gordon, no Tommy, No Bubby or Dr. Coomer. Just him in the empty space. Alone once again. He could hear echoes of laughter from somewhere far away. He spun around to see where it could be coming from, who they were laughing at, was it him? It's always him, when is it never him. He keeps looking as the laughter begins to grow so loud it hurts Benrey's ears. Then everything stops, the eerie silence of the void taking the laughter's place. He slowly opens his eyes to see Tommy standing in front of him. Tommy looked at Benrey with a hard yet sadden expression. "Why did you leave?"_

Benrey jolts up from his sleep, gasping and drenched in sweat, while a few red and black orbs spilled from his mouth and floated around him. He looks around completely disoriented and grips the blanket that covered him when he remembered where he was. He felt relieved. And guilty. Benrey yawned as he stretched, trying to forget his dream.

Gordon jumped up, already half awake when Benrey was startled awake. "Jesus, Benrey, are you okay?!" He asked, rolling over to face him, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Did you have a nightmare? Have you ever had one before..?" He asked the second question softer, mostly to himself. "Hey.. it’s okay.." he hummed in a soothing voice, nervous about Benrey’s wellbeing. Benrey placed a hand on top of Gordon's hand. He couldn't stop thinking about what Tommy said. He sounded so hurt, more hurt than back when he was corrupt. "It was just... Some fuckin' uhh- stupid dream." Benrey said quickly. He didn't want to bother Gordon with his problems. Benrey needed to fix this with Gordon knowing little as possible. At least until everyone was here.

Benrey moved his hand off of Gordon's, but he didn't shake off the hand that stayed resting on his shoulder. He sighed and wiped sweat off his forehead. "How uhh... How did you sleep?" Benrey asked, glancing over at Gordon, trying to steer the conversation away from his dream.

Gordon sighd at Benrey’s redirect. "Can you tell me about your dream?" He asked, paying no mind to Benrey’s question, he was just worried about him. He didn't want Benrey to be upset, and he had already mentally taken back his statement about killing him. Seeing him so vulnerable like this was so strange but he liked it, it felt like the alien was normal and human even though it was obvious he wasn't. It felt.. intimate in a way, like he was seeing a whole new side of benrey he didn't know what to do with. He wanted to hold him. No, that's weird. He pushed the thought out of his mind quickly. Benrey shifted uncomfortably at the thought of sharing his dream. How would he even explain it?

"U-uhhm.. Well... It just kinda started as a-a memory.. When i was... Corrupt. And everyone was shooting me, and then Tommy- he- the skeletons wouldn't stop hurttting himm,,, and then i was in tthe empty space. And then i woke up.." Benrey purposefully left out what tommy said to him. He knew that if he even tried to explain that he probably would have cried. It's already bad enough he's sharing things with Gordon, but crying in front of him? No. That's too much. Gordon would just use that against him later.

Gordon sighed quietly. "Hey.. do you.." he couldn't believe he was asking this. "..want a hug..?" He asked softly, being as gentle as he could manage. He wasn't as mad in real life as he was in the game, he tried to be caring and calm and understand what people were telling him. He understood it was just a game and he understood that It wasn't just a game to Benrey. "I’m sorry... about everything. Do you want to vent to me? I'm not a social worker or a uh.. counselor, but I can listen and maybe give you some advice? If you want me to, of course." He shuffled a little closer to Benrey, he could feel the warmth radiating off of him at this distance, and when he placed both his hands on Benrey’s shoulder blades, trying to ground him, he could feel him trembling. "I.. I um, care about you, I know I didn't show that much in the game but you're important to me and the game." He said gently, looking down into the space between them.

Benrey leans against Gordon, closing the space in between them. Hugging is weird but being hugged is nice. It's why he was such good friends with Tommy.

Benrey stayed quiet. He didn't want to vent or talk about what happened in general. Gordon's kindness already has him teary eyed. Anything more and he would break. For all he knows, Gordon is just acting nice. What's so different from game Gordon to.. Real life Gordon. Gordon was silent while he enjoyed their contact, he wanted benrey to know that he really cared for him. He knew that would be difficult considering how he acted towards him before.

Benrey pulls away from Gordon, putting space back in between them. "We should get Tommy out first-" Benrey says, bits of guilt and sadness shadowing his words. He clears his throat before continuing. "If anyone knows about how i was even able to get out, it would be him.." , then was brought back to consciousness as Benrey spoke about Tommy. "Okay well. Let's go to the store then. We'll get a couple more monitors and a tv.. they don't have to be too crazy, I don't think.." he mumbled to himself. "Oh could you look away?" He asked, wanting to get changed. He didn't care about Benrey being in the room this time, he was too distracted.

Benrey nodded and hid himself under the covers as Gordon got changed. He thought about peaking out from under the blanket but decided not to. When Gordon was done changing he got out of bed and stretched. His body ached badly, he had worked himself so hard yesterday and he was paying for it. He groaned and rubbed his tired body. "Damn it hurts... So uncomfortable." He grumbled. "Should uhh, i stay here while you go to thhhe store?" Berney asked, looking at Gordon. He knew he would look completely out of place if he were to go with Gordon, so maybe it would be best if he stayed here. Gordon shook his head, moving to gather his wallet and his keys, shoving them in his pockets and heading toward the door.

"You can come with me, nobody's gonna ask you questions, trust me." He smiled, offering Benrey a hat and a mask. "Most of your face will be covered so you'll be alright. I can even get you a snack if you like?" He asked. "Have you ever driven anywhere besides in that one car or on the trains in Black Mesa?" He asked, sitting on the couch to put his shoes on.

Benrey slid his shoes on as he thought about it. "Umm well I've also driven a tank with Forzen.. You guys were there though, it was when i left." Benrey said before putting on the hat and mask. Once he put the hat on, he felt so much... safer? It was comfy, and it felt like it protected him. "This hat is pretty poggers.." He said happily, feeling how soft it was on his ears. This hat was much more comfortable than his helmet ever was. "Can i have it?" Gordon grinned as he put his hair up into a messy bun, then put his mask on one of his ears.

"Sure, I don't really like beanies anymore now that my hair's this long, anyway." He chuckled happily, stretching his arms above his head for a second before looking to Benrey. "You don't have to wear the mask while we're in the car by the way." He smiled, grabbing his keys off the couch and opening the door for benrey.

"I think i uhh look cool with it on." Benrey said, with his classic cocky tone. He exited the front door and was immediately blinded by the bright light of the sun.


	4. Shopping and Sweet Voice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ones a cute one!!! There will be some nsfw in the coming chapters, chapters 6 an 7, so if you're not comfortable consuming that kind of content, just be aware. <3 stay safe!!

It was so intense compared to the game's lighting. Benrey shielded his eyes from the sun. "Yo what thhe fucck, sshits' bright bro.." He complained. Benrey blinked as his eyes adjusted, his eyes finally being able to observe the world around him. "Yooo..." He said under his breath, his tone filled with amazement. Everything was so much brighter compared to the game world. There was so much detail and color. He stood there, looking around and taking everything in and enjoying the feeling of the warm sun on his skin, something he had never been able to really feel before. "You live here??"

"Yep, this is planet earth." Gordon chuckled and stood still for a moment on his front porch, letting Benrey take it all in. It was so humbling, to watch this alien from a video game experience real life and enjoy it so immensely. "I live here and so does my son, when he visits. And the rest of the humans here. I've lived here for 27 long years." He smiled at Benrey. Right now he looked so cute, like a small puppy getting to go outside for the first time. "You like it? Your game was really dim, I think." He chuckled, watching Benrey fondly. He was starting to see Benrey another way. He was starting to feel like he actually understood Benrey to an extent, like he could understand where all of those pent up emotions came from since the game he was stuck in was actual hell compared to this.. he had to avert his eyes when his face started heating up, clearing his throat softly. 

After a few minutes of just staring and admiring Gordon's world, Benrey finally came back to the current moment. 'Gotta get Tommy.' Benrey followed Gordon as he stepped off the porch and headed to his car, getting in on the passenger side. "Nice car." Benrey complemented as he put on his seatbelt. Benrey sat quietly as Gordon started up the car and started driving, watching the world pass by through the window.

"Thanks" He grinned, feeling sort of nostalgic. He loved his car and he was lucky to get something so good for the price. He put on some soft music as they drove and as Gordon was driving, Benrey was lost in thought. There was so much of it, not in the overwhelming way like back in Black Mesa, but more of like going and passing. He'd see it then forget it, it wouldn't stay forever in his mind. He knew nothing about this world and that both excited and relaxed him. He wasn't constantly aware of everything, just only what he was looking at. Gordon watched subtly out of the corner of his eye as Benrey relaxed, glad he was enjoying his time on earth. He, in some part of himself, wanted to let him enjoy it for longer but they were already at the store by the time that thought entered his head.

"Okay, thiis is it." He hummed as he pulled into the Walmart parking lot and quickly found a spot a little far away from the building. "Have you ever been shopping?" He asked, parking and unbuckling his seat belt. He turned the car off and grabbed what he needed before stepping out of the car.

Benrey looked up out the window at the big building. That's a store?? He thought I'd be smaller. "Umm, no." Benrey said, unbuckling his seatbelt and stepping out of the car. "This place is huge.." Benrey mumbled while following Gordon into the store and looked at all the people they passed. They seemed to pay no attention to the two of them except the occasional glance or double take when seeing Benrey. 

Benrey paid no mind to the people who stared, he was just curious. He'd never seen so many people who weren't trying to kill them. Benrey stayed close to Gordon, not trusting himself to be on his own, he knew he would wander off and become distracted.

Gordon smiled at his comments. "Don't forget to keep your mask up." He smiled. He took it upon himself to death glare anyone making rude faces at Benrey, seeing only a couple people do so. He felt protective over him, knowing he was the only human in real life that understood what Benrey was going through as much as Gordon did. 

Gordon felt awkward, being so close to Benrey and not touching him, it was a strange tense-ness that he'd never felt before, it was confusing. They were headed toward the electronics isle when an uninvited thought popped into his head, it wasn't completely unwelcome but it wasn't a purposeful thought. He took a sharp breath, glancing down to Benrey's hand every once in awhile, a smile creeping onto his face. Thank goodness his mask covered that, and the blush on his cheeks or else he'd be dead from embarrassment. He sucked up his pride and decided to just do it. He very subtly did his best to seem inviting as he slid his hand down Benrey's wrist and intertwined their fingers. His breathing was shallow while he tried to gauge Benrey's reaction.

Benrey's cheeks flushed with blue when he felt Gordon's hand slowly cling to his. He waited a sec, thinking Gordon was just gonna quickly drag him somewhere, before he gave Gordon's hand a tight squeeze. His hands were so soft. He expected them to have a rougher feel. But then again, the Gordon Benrey was familiar with wasn't... real. This new Gordon was a lot more different, he was so much gentler and not as angry or judging. 

When they finally got to electronics, Benrey observed all the screens. It was a little overwhelming for him. The screens reminded Benrey of his trip through Gordon’s monitor. He squeezed Gordon's hand tightly and moved closer to him, the thoughts of Gordon's first reaction to Benrey becoming real starting to seep back into his head. He felt a little better when he was closer to Gordon. No homo.

Gordon kept a hold of Benrey's hand to help ground him, squeezing back when Benrey squeezed. He was so glad he didn't push him away, he wanted this to last as long as he could make it last, he loved how Benrey's hands felt, honestly, perfectly smooth and soft like he'd never done anything with his hands since the day he was born. It made sense, since he didn't really need to put effort in to do the things he did in the game, so he didn't develop calluses or chip his nails or anything. His hands were mannequin perfect. 

When they got to electronics, Gordon picked a few of the cheapest monitors he could find and a cheap TV screen. He brought Benrey over to the people by the checkout in electronics and asked if they could help him bring his stuff to his car. Thankfully they had parked near the back entrance and the electronic employees could help him through that doorway. He thanked them and led the way to his car, one monitor tucked under his arm, two more in the hands of one employee and the tv screen in the arms of one other employee. He helped them load everything into his car 

Then went back inside to pay them, all while he was still holding Benrey's hand. The only time he had to let go was to get his wallet out, and even then, it slipped right back into Benrey's as soon as he was done.

Benrey liked holding hands with Gordon, it made him feel protected. Like a reminder that he's not alone. A smile stayed plastered on his face, thankfully his mask covered his face. 'is this gay..?' He thought to himself as Gordon paid the store employees. Benrey walked back to Gordon's car, still holding hands with him. They got to the car but Benrey didn't let go of Gordon's hand. "So uhh... You're gonna be here when I come back from Black Mesa- err the game, right?" He asked nervously. Benrey rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment. "'Cause I don't want to go in there and come back out like uhh in a dumpster or somethin'..."

Gordon closed his door with one hand after putting everything away. "Of course! I'm the one who thought of bringing everyone through, I'm not just gonna ditch you after we bring everyone to real life." He said gently. He hesitated for a moment before letting go of Benrey's hand and replacing it with his arms around Benrey's shoulders in a hug. "I won't leave you." He muttered into Benrey's hair. He took a second to pay attention to Benrey's breathing and body language. He didn't want to make him uncomfortable.

Benrey hugged Gordon back tightly, not hesitating in the slightest. He gripped Gordon's shirt tightly as he buried his face into Gordon's shoulder. "Cool.." He said into his shoulder. He needed this… Benrey held onto Gordon for a long moment and quickly pushed himself away before unwanted thoughts filled his mind. "W-we should get going..." Benrey mumbled, stumbling a bit and fidgeting with his fingers. Gordon was a bit surprised when Benrey pushed him away. 

"O-Oh yeah.." he mumbled. "Let's go do this." Gordon sighed, pressing his mouth into a thin line before opening his door and getting in. Benrey got into the car and buckled his seatbelt. He looked behind his seat at all the screens Gordon bought, not being able to stop thinking about how he was gonna have to go back to Black Mesa. 'It's for Gordon's friends.. My friends..' His mind repeated over and over.

Gordon put on some music again while driving to try and relax him before they went through this task, knowing that Benrey was probably stressed. "Hey.. can I ask you a question?" He asked while driving, glancing over to him gently. 

For his friends. It's for his friends. It's for his friends. He was so worried about going back. What if he couldn't get back out? He doesn't even know how he did it the first time, how would he know what to do a second time? What if none of the others can get through? What if the others can get through but Benrey can't? He'd be stuck in the game... 

"Huh-" Benrey jumped a little and looked over at Gordon. How long had he been talking? Has he been talking at all before now? "Umm y-yeah... Sure." He shuffled in his seat. He was a little worried about what Gordon was going to ask him. Maybe he was gonna ask him to stay in the game.. 

Gordon blushed lightly and cleared his throat softly before asking. "Uhhm.. how do you do the sweet voice? And where does it come from?" He asked lightly, glancing to him a bit. "And are the rhyming meanings actually accurate or no?" He asked, turning down the music to listen to Benrey. He was genuinely curious about how it worked.

“O-oh uhh..." Gordon's question caught Benrey off guard. I guess it would make sense that Gordon would ask. "Umm... Well. I can't really explain it.. it's kinda just something I've uhh, always been able to do it.." He thought about his sweet voice. Benrey realized that he himself didn't know too much about it either. "I kinda used it to communicate for a long while. I didn't really like talking.. But then people used it and studied it and... Yeah... I mean how else do you think those med stations are so effective haha!" Benrey chuckled, but then quickly going silent. "It uhh... Was kinda lonely I guess. They would tell me to go to different pitches and switch to different colors and studied my brain... Uhh... Wasn't really poggers of them.." Benrey looked in the rearview mirror to see the screens in the back. "But then I met Tommy... He said he was also lonely and he read my files... And I guess whatever was on them helped him uhh, understand what I was saying.. So yeah. After that he told me what it could do, then I uhh realized how powerful I actually was." Benrey explained. "That's it all kinda summed up i guess." Benrey brought his attention to the outside, wanting to be distracted from everything in that moment.

Gordon nodded, watching Benrey’s body language out of the corner of his eye. He frowned realizing he had upset him a bit. He tried to look around and think of what he could do to help. He decided to gently reach over and place his hand on Benrey's knee. He rubbed gentle circles into his knee while speaking. "I'm sorry, you don't have to tell me anything else but if i'm honest with you, the sweet voice is really cool and pretty." He hummed.

Benrey's face heated up when he felt Gordon's hand on his knee. His brain swam around in new thoughts that only made his situation worse- or better? "T-thanks.." Benrey mumbled, still facing the window. He didn't move away from Gordon's hand, though his mind may have been thinking of some many different things, it was still so comforting to have his hand one his knee. It was almost like an anchor that kept him from drifting off into his thoughts. Benrey looked over at Gordon. "I-..." Benrey thought about if it was even worth saying. He decided it wasn't and looked back out the window.

Gordon nodded lightly. "Welcome.." he hummed lightly then sang softly to the music until Benrey spoke up again. "Oh? What's up? Were you going to say something?" He asked gently, not moving his hand unless he was turning or going through a particularly stressful part of traffic. He glanced to Benrey a few times 

"Oh uhh..." Benrey glanced back at Gordon. "I was uhh, just gonna say that uhhmm, that i like talking to you.. Even if it seems like i don't..." He says, embarrassed. It felt weird admitting his feelings, it was so much easier to sweet voice his emotions. But he knew Gordon wouldn't understand the colors. Maybe Tommy could teach him when they bring him here.

Gordon grinned to himself at that. "Thank you.. that means a lot to me." He smiled, blushing a little. A few minutes later he pulled into his driveway, moving his hand to park and shut off his car. He unbuckled his seat belt. "Did you want to eat lunch before we start all of this?" He asked before stepping out of his car, looking to Benrey for his response. "So you can have some energy to do what you need to do?" He asked. "If you want to do this..?" He looked gently at Benrey, not wanting to push him to do this if he didn't want to. He was worried he would get stuck too but he had to believe in Benrey to be able to do this.

"I want to do this. I have uhh.. have to." Benrey said, shutting the car door after he got out. He knew that if he didn't do anything, he would never forgive himself. The Tommy he saw in his dream was still in the back of his mind. He couldn't end the day without doing something. "Lunch sounds good.. Definitely gonna need the uhh, energy." Benrey said, looking at Gordon with a small smile. He was already hungry, so it's kinda just killin’' two cops with one bullet.

Gordon smiled back sweetly, offering his hand to Benrey to take as they went inside. "You've got a big job to do. I know you'll do great!" He grinned. His house keys were in his off hand, mentally preparing for the large task they were going to do. He was also thinking of what to have for dinner, something healthy and filling, probably. "Let's go eat first, then we'll bring everything inside and get to work." He offered a comforting smile.

Benrey excitedly grabbed Gordon's hand. "Yep, pretty epic of me. Gotta go full pro gamer." He said, his soft smile turning into a cocky grin. As he followed Gordon inside, he thought about him and Gordon. He's just now realized how drastically their relationship has changed in just short of 24 hours. Just yesterday Gordon had Benrey push up against a wall, screaming and shouting at him. Now they were... Holding hands. This is definitely not what he expected himself to be doing when leaving black Mesa to be in Gordon's world. "Is... Is this uhh, gay to you?" Benrey asked Gordon, holding up their intertwined hands. Gordon grinned back at him then his eyebrows raised and he went quiet for a moment, blushing a bit.

"Um.. d-do you... want it to be..?" He asked softly, sounding nervous and shy. He placed his keys down on the table and turned his full attention to Benrey after he locked the door behind them. "I'm uh.. bisexual, actually. So I uh.. wouldn't mind if you wanted.. it to be gay..?" He bit his cheek, not wanting to upset Benrey with his question. His face had started to burn an he gave Benrey a comforting little squeeze while he waited for his response.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this chapter! 
> 
> The story has been already been pre written so a new chapter will be coming out soon!
> 
> (this story also takes some inspiration from the Fanfic "Your Touch" by dannyvhs (PepsiRabbit) please check out their story while you wait for ours to continue!)


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